Question: I am in a relationship with a girl for past three years. I really love her and want to get married to her. Everything was fine until one day I got to know that she has already been physically intimate with her ex-boyfriend. Initially, I acted strong in front of her but now I wonder if my family will accept her when they get to know the truth. Moreover, I don’t know how I should accept her. I am becoming weak and cannot handle that my girlfriend is not a virgin. – By Anonymous
Answer by Dr Rachna K Singh: I can understand that you must be going through a tough time, considering the fact that you just came to know about your girlfriend’s past relationship. However, on the flipside we must appreciate and respect her for her genuineness to come and disclose this to you.
Kindly look back into your past relationships, there may be a number of things you too have done which could be unacceptable to her. But since, she wasn’t a part of your life then, she is not in a position to question you on anything that happened in the past. Similarly, it is inappropriate for you too to question her on something that happened at a point when she wasn’t with you.
Lastly, please understand that the only way your family can come to know about this is through you. And as an adult couple, there are a number of things that you should and must keep to yourselves only versus spilling it all out to others. Hence, at times the best thing for us to do is to simply let go. Everybody has a past and we can’t always hold on to the past and hold grudges for the same. So be the wiser one and accept your girlfriend for who she is and her honesty. Finally, if you love her, her past shouldn’t matter to you.
- Dr Rachna Khanna Singh is a Psychologist & Lifestyle Expert at Artemis Health Institute, Gurgaon